***Chapter Nine***
The next thing I knew, the lights were out and Walter was climbing into bed next to me. I could feel him settling down on his side.
"No hugs?"
"Fox? I thought you were asleep." He moved closer and gathered me in his arms.
I pushed away. "Last thing I remember, the bad guys were pulling off their masks and Scully was scowling at a mailing list."
I felt him nod. "That was a while ago. No dreams?"
"No dreams. This is nice."
"Yeah. Go back to sleep, troublemaker."
"Don't wanna sleep. Wanna make love with you." I began to kiss his face.
"Oh, God. I want to, but . . . are you up for it?"
"Ate half a bag of seeds. And check for yourself."
He chuckled and placed his hand on my crotch. "Yes, yes, you are. It's been so long . . . let me do the work this time."
"You're the boss."
"How come you only remember that when we're in bed?"
I just smiled. His hand was doing wonderful things.
He was the way he always was - slow, gentle and generous. It was a revelation to me. Before he became my lover, if anyone had bothered to ask, and almost no one did, I would have said I liked it rough and hard, that I wanted bruises the next day.
I thought that was what I needed, what I wanted, especially from other men. I thought that was what I deserved for not being the son Bill Mulder wanted, even as I rebelled against him in other ways. I never had any problems finding partners who would give me this, either. Even Phoebe - especially Phoebe - was happy to do what I asked.
As for pretty Krycek - he liked to get it rough, too. We were a perfect pair, beating each other up in the guise of sex. Good thing I didn't see Scully every day while I was with Krycek. Some days, the bruises were all too obvious. There were times I could hardly button my collar, my neck hurt so much. Maybe his disappearance saved my life. I don't know.
Walter never listened to that. At first, with Modell and Bowman in my head, pushing me to believe that Scully was dead, and living on Scully's tranquilizers, I was too out of things to protest. I didn't see him again, not that way, for weeks afterwards. He let me go. He let me find my way back to him.
It wasn't easy. I spent nights lying on my couch, thinking about the way he loved me, the way he took care of me, the way I felt in his arms. I missed him, but I had to convince myself that being with him was not a sign of weakness. He never pressed, but I knew he was waiting patiently. Walter could be surprisingly patient. Thank God, or he'd have killed or fired me years ago.
And when I finally picked up the phone and asked if I could see him, he was there. He came to me and took me back to his apartment, and for the first time in my right mind, I made love to him. He let me do it the way I wanted to, but this time, when I saw the bruises on those broad shoulders, it hurt. Walter didn't deserve such treatment.
Then he took me in his arms and began the first of his lessons. By the end of it, I knew that there was more to sex than pain and more ways to remember loving than bruises, as I lay bonelessly in his bed, and he smiled that wonderful smile. He showed me in ways that words could not that I was worthy of hugs and kisses and caresses. That I was worthy of love. This night in New Jersey, he showed me again.
He undressed me, shushing me when I tried to help. Then he began stroking me. I shivered under his warm fingers as he ran them down my side or behind my neck. He wouldn't let me stroke him back. "It's all for you, Fox." And he kissed me on the eyelids. I was so aroused it hurt.
He found my nipples in the dark and began to suck on them, barely nipping at them with his teeth, as I moaned and arched. He chuckled again, and kissed his way down my body until he reached my aching, straining penis.
He took me in his mouth. I could feel the warmth there and his tongue as it licked its way around. I got close, so close and then he stopped as I hoped he would. He kissed my mouth passionately and then turned me over, placing a pillow underneath me. I cushioned my head in my arms.
He explored my back with his hands and his mouth as if he'd never done it before. With each touch, each kiss, each lick and soft nip, I shivered a little more as desire built within me. When he finally plunged his tongue between my buttocks, I nearly jumped. He stroked me until I settled again, and resumed. My entire being was focused at my anus, with Walter's tongue stimulating it just the way I needed it.
"Please, Walter . . . "
"Soon, Fox, soon." He left me for a moment, and fumbled for something on the bedside table. I felt cold lubed fingers where his tongue had been. "I'm sorry, Fox. If I'd known, I would have warmed this first."
"''s'okay." He prepared as thoroughly as always, kissing my back every time he added a finger. I was moaning by the time he decided I was ready. I heard the condom wrapper tear and then felt him behind me again. Slowly he pushed. I gasped at the burning that no amount of prep could remove, and then relaxed as he was in me. I could feel my body adjust to him. We got this chance rarely enough that each time I was tight again, so it was always like this.
Then he began to move, and I could hear his groans and sighs as he created pleasure for both of us. He hit my prostate and I howled and began to move with him as much as he allowed; as much as my condition allowed. He reached around me and grasped my penis, now as hard and aching as it had ever been, and began to stroke it in his own pounding rhythm, which became the rhythm of both our hearts. There was something odd in the back of my mind, but I couldn't concentrate on it. I could feel the orgasm growing inside of me from that double stimulation, and I could hear Walter's breathing grow faster along with mine, and then, with his normal exquisite timing, we both exploded almost at the same time - first me, then him.
He collapsed on top of me - even then taking care not to put his weight on me, and stayed inside of me until he softened enough to pull it out without pain. Then he rolled me over and held me in his arms until my breathing was normal again.
"I love you, Fox. With all my heart." He whispered those words into my hair.
I believed him. No one had ever made me feel more cherished, more deserving of happiness than he did when he made love to me.
"Love you, too, Walter." I tightened my grip around his body and kissed his neck, his shoulders, his chest, anything to show him the way I felt. I depend on his strength - not the strength of his body but of his soul - to keep me balanced now. To help me remember that I am, indeed, worthy to be cherished and loved and to love and cherish back again.
He must have had wipes by the bed, too, because I could feel him cleaning me up before we both drifted into sleep on our own sides. I hoped that this time our love making would keep the nightmares away.
"Die! Evil witch! Die!" She was lying there in her blood, muttering her curses even as I stabbed her over and over again. Her blood was warm on my hands, the baby I saved was on the ground. See, Daddy? I'm killing the evil woman. Die, witch, die!
"Fox! Fox! Wake up! It's me, it's Walter! Fox!" I blinked, and there was Walter lying next to me in the light from the bathroom, and I was pounding him again and again, and the images, the horrible images in my mind were still clear as crystal and I knew I'd never forget them and I collapsed on the bed in a ball. I couldn't help the tears this time. I was too tired and too underfed, and all I could see was that dying woman and the baby too small to live.
"It's going to be all right, Fox. It's going to be fine. I'm here . . . you didn't hurt me and I'm here." I flinched away from his touch. I felt unclean. I didn't want him to defile himself. "It's okay. Whatever you want, Fox. Whatever you need."
I forced myself to sit upright, my arms wrapped around my knees. Walter wrapped the blanket around me, but I shivered anyway.
"I'm going to call Dana. You're not well." He moved to the phone.
"No. Let her sleep a little longer. Walter, I have to tell you about the dream. I don't want to, but I have to."
"I'm listening." He let go of the telephone and settled next to me in the bed, carefully not touching me.
"I was him. I was the UNSUB, the sick mind out there." I shivered harder, but shook my head when Walter moved closer. "I watched for her in the mall. I watched for them all, the pretty ones, the young ones who made me think evil thoughts. Women are evil, they brought sin into the world, and they make me think of sin." I buried my head in my hands.
"You've been too close to this case. You're imagining things."
"They made me lust after them, and that's evil. Oh, God, Walter. I've never lusted after a woman. Not even the one or two I've slept with. I could feel my-his desire for them, all mixed up with how evil and wrong it was. And there she was, so enticing in her tight dress, the baby just showing, the baby I could save from evil. I remember thinking that so clearly. She was carrying packages. I offered to help her . . . I was just going off duty. She said yes . . . and I took her. I took her to my place . . . a secret place. It was all jumbled there. I remember, she had her hair tucked into a hat, a beret or something, and she cried when I pulled it off. Her hair was so pretty, too - fiery red just like . . . .just like Scully's. Only I didn't know Scully, so I didn't think that.
"And I cut away the dress and the shirt underneath and the bra and panties and stockings, and I panted because she was working her evil on me again. And she was begging me not to hurt her, not to touch her, that she was married and pregnant and something about her husband and then she started saying something I didn't understand over and over and over again. She was cursing me, I knew it, because I was going to ruin things by not succumbing to her evil and by saving her baby from it. So, I ripped open . . . Oh, God!"
I got up and ran to the bathroom, and emptied my stomach of the little that was there. Walter was right behind me. He silently handed me a towel and a glass of water. I sat down on the bathroom floor. He draped a couple of bath towels over me, but I was still cold.
"You don't have to say any more, Fox."
"Yes, yes, I do." I took a deep breath. "Then I'll be clean again. I ripped . . . I used my knife and . . . I saved the baby. I saved it from being born to evil. I wrapped it in a clean cloth. The woman . . . the woman kept crying and cursing, saying long things in a language I didn't know. The other women, they'd at least prayed to God, to Jesus, but this one must have been a witch because she kept cursing. So I stabbed her and I stabbed her and I stabbed her . . . and you woke me up and dragged me out of there, but I can still feel her blood on my hands . . . "
Walter knelt beside me, and held up my hands. "There is no blood on these hands, Fox."
"Yes, yes there is. I haven't caught him, so her death is on me." The towels were not warm enough. But Walter was. I let him wrap his arms around me.
"No. It's on him. Only on him. And whatever drives him to do this thing."
I couldn't believe him, but I was clean enough now to touch him, so I leaned against him and he held me and rocked me and stroked my hair until I was a little calmer.
"I didn't hurt you?" I touched his chest, where a bruise was forming.
"Maybe a little . . . Let's get you back to bed. You're freezing." He helped me off the floor, and half carried me out of the bathroom.
I let him put me on the bed. "I need to get a handle on his motivation. Damn, I wish I could get him out of my head!"
"I know, I know. You will, Fox. You're the best at what you do. Later." He covered me with the blanket and the bedspread. He joined me there, wrapping those strong arms around me.
"Don't tell Scully about this. She'll only worry."
He chuckled into my hair. "And face her wrath when she finds out?"
"Good point." I buried my face in his chest.
"She worries about you anyway. She loves you, too."
"Waste of time for her. Should find nice straight Catholic man . . . Liam Browne, maybe."
"Who?"
"Nice guy. Husband of a victim. Cop. Kids."
"Kids."
"Yeah. I could be crazy Uncle Mulder. I'd make a good crazy uncle."
"I'm telling Scully about this nightmare at breakfast."
"Okay. This time I'll order the egg." I was finally getting warm. I felt safe there, wrapped in Walter, even as he chuckled himself to sleep. I didn't sleep . . . I just worried about that dream and what it seemed to tell me. Eventually, he moved and I got dressed in exercise clothes, wrote him a note and went to the gym, where I spent an hour on the treadmill purging the rest of the filth from my soul.
***Chapter Ten***
Cherry Hill Municipal Building
Usually, I'm the one everyone looks at when I enter a bureau office. This time, I might as well have not have been there, which suited me just fine. I stood behind the real centers of attention and watched.
"Agent Goldberg, you are hereby suspended pending a hearing. Go back to Philadelphia and hand your bureau chief your gun and badge immediately. I will continue my investigation into your competency from here. Go!" Goldberg turned bright red and left the room, trailing the remnants of his career.
"As for the rest of you . . . consider yourselves on probation." No one can glower like Walter.
"Director Skinner?"
"Yes, Agent Stein?"
"Who is going to be in charge now, sir? You?"
"No. I have my own investigation to run. Agent Mulder is, of course, profiling the UNSUB. Agent Scully, who is junior only to Agent Mulder and myself, will be ASAC." He turned to her and nodded.
Scully blinked. Walter had made no mention of this over breakfast. The other agents looked at her expectantly. So did I.
She took a deep breath. "Thank you, sir. People, the vacation is now officially over. A woman was probably killed last night. That should not have happened, and she *will* be the last one. The first order of business will be to find her body. Agent Stein, do you have a list of the local fast food restaurants?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Divide the list up between each team - do it by location. Folks, I hope you have good dry cleaners because you're going dumpster diving. Agent Stein, you will stay here and give Agent Mulder whatever assistance he requires. Who is your partner?"
"Agent Jimson." Stein indicated a tall young woman next to him.
"Agent Jimson, you will assist AD Skinner. The rest of you - report to me after every dumpster. Get to work, people."
Ten minutes later, the teams were all heading for their cars, clutching the addresses of a dozen McDonald's and Burger Kings and Goldberg had scurried out of his former office with his box of belongings. Scully, a dangerous look in her eyes, watched him go. She then politely asked the two of us to join her in *her* office.
She sat down behind the desk, leaving Walter and me to stand in front of it. There were no other chairs. I was going to sit on the desk, but Walter shook his head at me. Scully steepled her hands together.
"Did I pass your test, sir?" Her voice was cold.
Walter nodded. "With flying colors."
"When did you plan on this . . . surprise?"
"Last night . . . and Fox didn't know, either."
"Then why does he look so smug?" She glared at me.
"Assistant Director Dana Scully. It has a nice ring to it. And while you rise to the top of the heap where you belong, I can point to you and say that you used to be my partner." I had to smile.
"What are you talking about? Walter?" She dropped the cold act.
"Relax, Dana. You and Fox will be partners for a long while yet. But, when the time comes for me to leave that office, I want it in the best possible hands. Yours." He grinned at her surprise.
"But, sir . . . .I'm not . . . .Mulder is . . . Mulder is senior to me. He's the head of the department."
I did sit on her desk. "Scully, try to imagine *me* as assistant director. Just for a moment."
She closed her eyes. "Oh, my God. No."
"Hey, I wouldn't be *that* bad." A look passed between the other two. "Okay, maybe I would."
"You don't mind this, Mulder?"
"Mind? To see you where you belong? I'd miss you in my cave, but I wouldn't hold you back."
"But why the secrecy, and why now? You could easily have taken over yourself, Walter."
"Not and investigate this office *and* take care of my own work from DC. I had to pick someone to take over from that incompetent. Scully, I've been seriously thinking about you for my job ever since you discovered the virus in Barryville."
"But . . . " Scully was flummoxed. It sounds cruel, but I was enjoying it.
"I needed to see how you would handle authority in the field, and I wanted to see if you could think on your feet. Perhaps I shouldn't have surprised you like that, but you handled it about as well as anyone I've ever seen, and better than most. Certainly, you more than met my expectations. This investigation is yours, Agent Scully. The first of many."
Scully nodded. Her face was became perfectly calm and collected. "Thank you for your confidence in me, sir. Since this investigation is mine, I will run it as I see fit."
"Of course. Even with Agent Jimson's help - and thank you for that, by the way - I have more than enough to do. Excuse me, please?"
"Thank you, Walter." She smiled at him. He squeezed my shoulder as he left the room. "As for you, partner . . . " She turned those eyes on me.
"Scully, I swear I didn't know anything!"
"Relax, Mulder. I believe you."
"You do?"
"Always. So. I'm in charge. Good. I have some specific instructions for you."
"Already?" I didn't like the sound of that. "Don't let power go to your head."
"Take off your jacket and roll up your sleeve so I can check your injury." Grumbling, I did as I was told. "That looks good. It's healing nicely. We'll leave off the bandages. I can't believe you escaped that bear."
"It wasn't a bear, Scully. You know that." She looked at me.
"Whatever you say, Mulder. Mulder, you're almost a skeleton. You must have lost fifteen pounds over these past two weeks." Her hand on my arm was cool and clinical.
"Stress diet. Does wonders for my girlish figure. Scully, you know better."
"Mulder, you want to go to the scene? Work that 'spooky' magic?"
"I have to."
She nodded. "I know. Well, you have to eat something."
"I ate breakfast." Most of it, anyway.
"You ate a single poached egg and half a slice of toast."
"And apple juice. You're just pissed because you had to order your own fries again."
"Right, Mulder. We'll see."
There was a knock on the door.
"Come in."
"Agent Scully? Oh, you're busy." Stein turned a bright shade of red.
"Agent Stein, this is . . . exactly what it looks like."
"Mulder!"
"Agent Scully was examining an injury I incurred during our last case. You are aware she's an MD?" I showed him my arm. The laceration was still vivid. He winced. I rolled down my sleeve and put my jacket back on.
"How did . . . never mind. Agent Scully, I have that information you wanted."
"Good. Get a couple of chairs and we'll look it over in here. Oh, and bring Agent Mulder's sunflower seeds." I went to help.
"So, Agent Mulder, what exactly is going on?"
I looked at him. "Going on where?"
"Between AD Skinner and Agent Scully?"
"Skinner and Scully?" I stood there in amazement while Stein opened the office door.
"Just put them down in front of the desk, gentlemen."
"I have to get my notes. I'll be right back." Stein ducked out of the office.
He was back almost immediately with them, my seeds and a bowl for the shells. I'd told her by then. I was amazed at how quickly she'd regained her composure.
"Let's see what you have, Agent Stein."
He'd done very well. He'd found the security guard company that handled those malls, and narrowed the field down to a number of men who worked as fill-ins for security guards who couldn't get to their regular jobs or who handled emergencies.
Scully beamed at him. "Excellent police work, Agent Stein. Call the locals and arrange to bring them in for questioning."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Have you had a chance to look at Agent Mulder's profile?"
"Not yet. I thought you were going to do some more work on it, sir." He looked at me.
"I've had some more insights. It ties into his father. His father was a religious Christian fundamentalist, with very non-standard interpretations. Sometime after his son was born, the mother left - probably deserted them. Not dead, because he resented her for leaving. He raised his son to think that women are all evil. They brought sin in the world, and they used their bodies to corrupt men. But the UNSUB is attracted to women - very attracted to them. Which means women are working their evil wiles on him and his weak flesh.
"Fathers rule a boy's life, you know? You spend your childhood worshiping them like heroes. They can do anything, know everything, have the power of life or death. You believe what they tell you, even if next week it's all different. Some of us are blessed by our fathers, Scully, like you. Some of us are damned by the men who raise us, even as they take our love for them for granted." I rubbed my eyes.
"He may or may not have a fetish for pregnant women. There have been no signs of sexual attack on any of the bodies, right, Scully?" She was looking at me with worry in her eyes. I don't know what Stein was doing, but I suspect he was concerned, too.
"I saw no signs myself, and the coroner saw none."
"There were none. He will not succumb to their evil. He will save their babies." The images from the night before were coming stronger and stronger. I began to shake. All I could see was that tiny, unformed baby on the floor, covered with its mother's fluids. "He will keep them from their sins. Baptize them in her . . . blood washes away sins. Living water washes away sins. All sins. My sins . . . " The words came out, but they weren't mine.
"Get AD Skinner in here *now*, Agent Stein. Move it!" I could hear the other chair fall over as Stein ran from the room.
"Mulder, it's me. You're not there. You're not him." Her hand was on my shoulder, but, like her voice, seemed to be from very far away. All my senses were focused on the blood on my hands and the dead baby. I was there, I was holding the baby and it was not dead yet and the woman was screaming and saying those words and . . . .
I felt strong arms wrap themselves around me as I rocked on that chair. Walter was there, anchoring me again, keeping me tied to the then and there. He was safety in the storm and I clung to him for dear life. In return, he held me tightly until I was back in myself.
"His heart's beating a mile a minute, Dana."
"I'm not surprised. He looks terrified. Mulder, everything's fine." I felt a gentle touch on my hair. I don't know how long we were like that before I could let go of Walter and breathe normally.
"What was that about, Fox?" Walter was kneeling in front of me, holding my hands. I pulled them free and began to move around the room. "Last night's dream?"
"Not a dream. I was there. I held that baby . . . it moved, Scully. It moved. Too small to live more than a minute or two, but it moved."
"Oh, God, Mulder. You're in this too deep."
"No. I was *there.* I know how that baby felt. I have to wash my hands." I ran out of the office to the men's room and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, until I was raw, until the pain took over from the memory of the baby and the blood.
And Walter was there, too. "Scully thought you might need this." He handed me a bottle of hand lotion, which I just held for a moment, unsure of what to do. So he took it from me, poured some into his own palm and began to rub it gently into my skin. I let him do it.
"Feel better?"
"Feels good." He smiled. "Thanks, Walter."
He took a deep breath. "Fox . . . we got a phone call from one of the teams. They found the body."
I closed my eyes.
"Fox, you can stay here."
"No. I have to go. I need to see . . . her. But . . . can you come with me? If you think Scully won't mind, I mean."
"Actually, Scully said that the only way you were going was if I was going with you. I think this is a bad idea, but you'd get there somehow whether we let you or not." He grinned.
"When do we leave?"
"As soon as you wash your face and comb your hair."