"Who said I was thinking? The only thing I did during those first couple of months was apply to the police academy. I didn't *need* to do anything. I had so much back pay coming to me that I could live for *years*...and you *know* I don't have to work, anyway."

Blair nodded. Somewhere in some bank, Jim had a couple of trust funds gathering dust. He refused to touch them, didn't even know how much was in them any more. "But you applied to the academy?"

"Yeah. Had to...which is why I'm *still* one, I guess."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why all the...the..."

"I was scared. And confused. And...numb. It was like I couldn't feel *anything*, except when I had sex. And...in Peru, I'd been with women as well as men, so I knew I *could*. They all wanted my kids back in the tribe...nothing *ever* took, thank God."

Blair got up and knelt beside Jim. He hugged him gently. "Good thing. You wouldn't have left otherwise."

He just nodded.

"Jim...we'll talk later, but I think I know what you were doing. Why did you *stop*?"

"The academy. It required a physical, including an AIDS test. And the moment the doctor said those words, I...I came to my senses. The days I waited the result were a *complete* nightmare. Remember, Aunt Melly?"

"I will never *forget*, Jimmy. You came to us positively *shaking*, asking if you could stay with us until you knew. Of course we let you. We wouldn't have let you go."

"Thank you *both* for that. You kept me alive."

"Then you were gone again. Even when you were in vice and working and playing *here*, you really weren't."

"I *had* to be in the closet. If I didn't have the record I have, and my friendship with Simon...I'd be off the force *now.* Or dead. Or...like poor Matt."

"Do you *still* believe that band of brothers stuff you two were talking about?"

Jim pursed his lips. "Please, *don't* ask me that. I *can't* think that way. I *just*...I don't know."

"It's hard, I know. They've been your family for *so* long."

"*Blair's* my family. And you, Aunt Melly."

Melly bit his lip. "Blair, yes. But...when you became a cop, we *all* knew you had to be loyal to them...and we all *knew* you had to be a cop."

"I haven't done a fabulous job of taking care of you guys."

"No? I read the papers, you know. We *are* a part of this city, and you've saved the city more than once, baby girl."

"It is *no* excuse. I've been back for a *year*. No one told me, and I didn't even *try* to see. I mean, I knew that Vice was hitting you guys hard, but I'm in Major Crimes and...I'm so sorry. It's all my fault." Jim pulled away from Mel and Blair and began to pace.

Blair looked at Melly. He wanted to go up there and calm Jim down but he knew it wouldn't work. Jim had to work through this himself, no matter how much it hurt Blair to watch. Melly nodded at him, his face distressed, and squeezed his arm. "He'll be fine, Blair."

A ping sounded from the kitchen and the intercom buzzed at the same time. Blair ran to the kitchen so that Melly could speak to the doorman. The souffle in the oven looked ready, so he carefully took it out and carried it to the table. He motioned to Jim to sit down. Jim shook his head and snapped his fingers. Blair looked at him again and, to Melly's visible amusement, Jim smiled ruefully and sat down at the table.

Instead of joining them when he finished his conversation, Melly went to the kitchen and came back with another place setting. "I'm *so* glad I made plenty."

"Who's coming, Mel?" Blair eyed the souffle. It was just starting to collapse.

"Friend of yours...he should be here..." The doorbell rang. "Now."

Dave Michaelson stood at the other side of the door. Before he had a chance to say anything, Melly hustled him to the table, sat him down and began to serve the food.

"You look shellshocked, Dave." Blair passed the salad bowl to him.

"Eat! Eat!" Melly fussed around the table, making sure everyone had a helping of souffle.

Dave grinned. "You sound like my college roommate's mother, Mr. Forster. 'Ess! Ess!'" He took a bite of food. "This is delicious."

"Thank you, darling." Mel settled down in his own chair and began picking at his own food.

Blair noticed that while his fork was busy, it never quite reached his mouth. "Mel, you have to eat, too."

"I'm not hungry. Anyway, no one likes to eat their own cooking."

"Then *I'll* make you something."

"I'll be fine, darling. I *am* eating."

Jim looked at Blair and shrugged. Blair nodded and shrugged back. "I'm sorry. We worry, you know." He forced himself to look away. "Dave...why are you here?"

"I wanted to talk to Mr. Forster about something. What about you guys?"

"*Us?*" Jim grinned. "We're mooching lunch, of course. And, Miss Melly, the souffle is *divine.*"

Blair shot Jim a look. "We showed Melly a picture of the guy he said came in response to his call...eventually. He identified him. Simon insisted that IAD take it from there, so we were drafted into beating egg whites."

"I don't trust IAD. I just want to catch that so-called cop and give him *such* a piece of my *mind*...and then I want to make *sure* he's never a cop again *anywhere*." Jim's knuckles were white.

"I don't blame you, Jim." Dave put down his fork. "That's why I came here. It's obvious that this area is underserved by the police."

Jim snorted. "*That's* an understatement."

"I hear *that*. I want to set up some sort of program with my boys and the community - I've seen gang-related incidents go down in other places, and we have a unique chance to do an intergang thing, and that can only help."

"Mr. Michaelson..."

"Dave."

Melly smiled. "Dave, why are you talking to me? I'm just a gallery owner."

"Because, sir, you are a leader in this community. You and your lover were and are respected. And, honestly, because you were hurt by both sides so we know you won't play favorites."

"Do you think this will help things?"

"Yes, Mr. Forster. I think it will help everyone." Dave paused for a moment. "And if it increases gay tolerance, it might well save some lives. I know a couple of my boys died when their...preferences came out."

"Oh, the poor babies. If my poor Freddie were here, she'd..." Melly closed his eyes for a moment. "I'll do what I can. For Freddie's sake. Dave, you would have loved Freddie, I think."

"I wish I could have met...her." Dave smiled.

"Let me tell you some things about my poor Freddie..."

Melly regaled them with tales of his late lover for the rest of the afternoon. Blair caught Jim sniffing a time or two, but most of the time he kept his focus on Melly, who grew happier with every story, even when he described their screaming fight over the color of the bathroom tiles.

"He *insisted* on aqua while I *knew* teal would be the best *possible.* We argued for *days*. That's why it's gold."

Dave blinked. "Gold?"

Melly nodded. "Compromise. Like I keep telling Jimmy and Blair here...compromise is the *secret* of a good relationship."

Dave looked at Jim and Blair in total confusion. Blair just grinned and shrugged. He signaled Jim and the two of them gathered up the final dessert dishes before Mel could say a word to stop them.

As soon as they put the dishes in the dishwasher, Blair grabbed Jim around the waist, turned him around and pulled him down for a kiss. Jim, not missing a beat, wrapped his arms around Blair and responded fully.

Eventually, Blair let go of his mouth and sighed. "I needed that."

"Not that I *mind*, darling, but what brought that on?"

Blair shook his head. "Oh, man. Too many things. I've been wanting to do that for *hours* - you look so edible and we were interrupted this morning and...and...and listening to Miss Melly. I don't know what I'll do if anything happens to you, James."

Jim drew him closer again. "I wish...maybe I *should* just *quit*. If you feel that way..."

"No way, man. You were born to be a cop. Besides, if I'm lucky, I'll be there with you. How many cop's spouses can say the same?" He managed a bitter chuckle.

"Just so long as you *don't* come with me. You do, and I'll *scratch* you."

"I love you."

"Love you, too, sweetie."

They kissed some more and then wandered back to the dining room, hand in hand. They were greeted with knowing looks - one glance at Jim's swollen lips and messed-up hair gave the game away - and smiles.

Before Blair could say anything, Jim's cellphone rang. Everyone chuckled as he opened it.

"Ellison...Simon, *darling*...Really? *Of course.* Right away...Detective Michaelson's here, too...I'll ask." He lowered the phone. "Dave, girlfriend, you want to join us on a raid on the Two One?"

"I got my gun right here."

"Aunt Melly, thank you for everything. And I do mean everything." Jim gave Melly a hug and kissed his cheek. Blair followed suit.

"We'll call, Mel, okay?"

"Just be *careful*, all of you."

"We will, Miss Melly."

Dave seemed to think for a minute. Then he shrugged and kissed Melly himself. "Next time, I'll bring my kids, okay?"

"Oh, *yes*."

The three of them all but ran out of the apartment.

**********************

"Banks, this is *your* doing. Yours and that pet fag of yours. What's he doing? Blowing you at lunch? Or letting you play with his little boytoy?" The precinct commander glared at Simon from behind his desk.

"I'm going to forget I heard that, Joe. You're in enough trouble."

"It's your word against mine."

Blair, meanwhile, had to fight for control. How dare he say that about Simon? As if Simon had ever harassed *anyone* in his life, or had ever lied about something official.

He felt Jim's hand on his shoulder. "Steady, sweetie. This is Simon's game."

Neither of the other two men seemed to hear them. "It's not *my* word. It's in the records...slow responses, unsolved crimes, virtually no arrests, all centered there. And don't tell *me* you don't know about it."

The commander opened and closed his mouth several times.

"Didn't think so, Joe. You got *nothing* to say to me."

"They're just a bunch of queers. Why do you give a damn about a bunch of queers?"

"So that no one can say 'They're just a bunch of niggers.' Remember? Remember how hard *we* had to fight?"

"That's different."

"No. No, it isn't."

There was a knock on the door. Blair opened it. Dave and Rafe stood there, arms full of files. "We've cleaned out all their records, Captain, and IA's got that guy in custody."

"We'll be going now, Joe."

"I'm going to sue."

"You do that. Coming, you two?"

Jim blew Joe a kiss as they left. Blair thought he saw steam coming out of Joe's ears.

*************************** "What are you guys doing here?" Matt waved his left arm at them from his hospital bed.

"Just wanted to pay you a visit, man." Blair handed Matt a small stuffed bear while Jim arranged the balloon bouquet as elegantly as possible.

"That makes *two* of you, not counting my folks." Matt cradled the toy for a moment. "Not that I *have* folks anymore."

Jim touched his shoulder. "You told them?"

He nodded. "My dad...my dad said I should have finished the job and he and Mom just left. Mom was crying." He bit his lip.

"It'll be okay, Matt." Blair came around his other side and patted his arm.

"No, it won't. I...I really screwed up. I fell in love with the one guy who could never love me, and I got beat up by my fellow cops...but you *knew* that."

"That's not your fault, man. That's theirs." Blair put every ounce of sincerity he could find in his voice.

Matt didn't buy it. "Right. Doesn't matter. I'll never be a cop again." He nodded to his right arm. "I missed the big veins, but I got a couple of tendons. So I didn't die, but I'll never fire a gun again. They're going to do some grafting, but the docs don't sound real positive."

"W...why did you do it?"

Jim shot Blair a look, a look that asked him not to be stupid.

"I guess I figured I might as well screw up the rest of my life. I don't know...Dave didn't want me, the cops didn't want me..." Tears rolled out of Matt's eyes, and caught on his thick eyelashes. "I'm such a wimp. Don't look at me."

A nurse looked in. "Mr. Green, are your visitors bothering you?"

He blinked at the man. "No...they're friends. I'm just...just a mess."

"Maybe we should go?" Jim began to straighten his coat.

"I can't leave him like this, James." Blair stroked Matt's arm.

"Please...please stay. I need to talk to you." He gave the nurse a pointed look.

"All right, Mr. Green, but if you get upset again, your friends will have to leave." He nodded briskly at Jim and Blair and left the room.

Blair sat next to him. "What do you want, Matt?"

"You guys got a bunch of stuff from the Two One, right?" They nodded. "Is IAD involved?"

"Yeah. They have to be." Jim closed his eyes.

Matt took a deep breath, and then another. "They really...these guys aren't our brothers, are they? Not because they're straight or anything, but because...because they don't treat *us* like brothers. Besides, I'm not going to be a cop anymore." He stared at his limp right hand.

"I *wish* I could argue with you, darling."

"Yeah. The ones who got me...the ones who beat me and the ones who left that note for me...one was from Vice and the other was a detective assigned to the Two One." He gave their names. Jim took out his pad and noted them down. "So far as I can tell, they weren't cops, either. And...and if you need me, I'll testify about Vice. If Vice ever comes to trial."

"I don't think that'll happen. They'll wriggle out from under. Vice *always* does."

Matt nodded, still taking his deep breaths. Then, suddenly, they roughened into sobs. Blair, without a thought, gathered him up in his arms and let him cry on his chest. Moments later, the same nurse appeared, his hands on his hips.

"I think you'd better go, sirs. You can see him tomorrow."

"Are you sure, Matt?"

Matt nodded, and managed to calm himself. He pushed Blair away. "I'll be okay. I have hot and cold running shrinks now anyway." He sniffed. "But I wouldn't mind if you guys stopped in again."

"Okay. We will." Jim took Blair's hand and led him out of the room. The nurse followed.

"He *will* be all right." The nurse smiled at both of them. "We have a great psychiatrist here who specializes in cases like this. But it will take time."

"His hand?"

He shook his head. "With surgery and therapy, he'll get some use out of it, but he'll never be a cop again. But we'll find something. He strikes me as a caring man, and such men find places."

"You sure."

"Yeah. Now, you two go on home, and come back tomorrow. He needs you."

They nodded, shook the nurse's hand, and went home.

****************************

Blair collapsed on the couch as soon as they entered the apartment, loosening his tie and tossing off his suit coat as he did. Jim carefully removed his own jacket before settling next to him and taking him in his arms.

"I *cannot* believe it took this long to be over."

Jim stroked Blair's hair. "It's only been six months, darling. That's *nothing*."

"I know you're right, but it *seems* like forever. *All* those records, those trials, those...careers. I spent less time writing my *dissertation. I *know* I need a new eyeglass prescription."

"We had it all, too. Records, witnesses - we had that precinct *cold*." Jim laughed bitterly.

"So how come we *lost*?"

"Because they wouldn't let us show any of it. Because it would make the Cascade PD look *bad*. Because..."

"Because no one cares about a bunch of queers?"

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, working through a new surge of anger. Blair could feel Jim's arms tighten around him.

"We're going to fight this, right, James?"

"Absolutely. They *know* it, too. We'll be *watching* them, closely. And Dave's got the gangs under control, so that's better."

"And vice?"

"*I'll* manage vice, babycakes."

Blair nodded. Jim still had ways to do something there. The people of Stonewall would still be better off. Reluctantly, he got up and walked to the kitchen, where he took a pot out of the fridge and set it on the stove. "Dinner will be ready soon. Lamb stew."

"Want me to make some couscous?"

"Nah, I got it..." Blair took down the box and put a pot of water on the stove to boil. "I heard from Matt today."

"How is he?"

"He likes Minnesota, and he likes what he'd doing. He'll be a great social worker, I think. He said his hand is getting some motion back. *And* he has a boyfriend...black guy with dreadlocks." Blair sighed and grinned.

Jim dragged himself from the couch and went to the kitchen to wrap his arms around Blair. "He'll be *fine*, darling. Just like Melly is. Dave told me today that his boys adopted her as a sort of...auntlike thing."

"Thank God something good came out of this..." He turned and hugged Jim. "And at least it's over for now."

"Yes." Jim leaned down for a kiss.

"Oh...that feels...how hungry are you, James?"

Jim grinned. "I can wait. For the food."

"Just let me turn things down..."

Blair held Jim in his arms in the one place he felt completely safe, and made love to him until they almost forgot everything else, if only for a little while.