An hour later, they drove up to the reservoir in Jim's truck. Blair could see Jim peering into the darkness and looking worried.
"Jim, what's going on?"
"Do you see those fires up ahead?"
"Barely."
"The kids are there. I know them. I know their faces, I know their voices. It's my players. And they are planning something. Sounds like revenge."
"Revenge?"
"Yeah. Two of their own were hurt. They can't let that happen."
"I get that. It's like the team is a miniature tribe, and they lose honor if they let this go."
"Whatever you say, Darwin. I knew I should have had practice today. I might have defused this."
"Maybe. Tribal loyalties can run pretty high. I think it's a good thing you're here now."
"Yeah. Let's go talk to them."
They climbed out of the truck together. Jim led the way through the darkness to where his team were gathered. They were huddled together near some fires. As they got closer, Blair could make out baseball bats and tire irons, as well as bicycles chained nearby.
"What's going on here, boys?"
"Coach Ellison! What are you doing here?"
"It's a nice night. I thought I'd...take a walk. You didn't answer my question, Marcus. What's going on here?"
"Uhhh...just like you said, Mr. Ellison. It's a nice night."
"And Jack here decided to walk with his dad's tire iron? I don't think so. Try again."
"We're going to get them."
Marcus fingered his bat.
"And who would that be, Babe Ruth?"
"The ones who got Billy and Michael. No one messes with a teammate, no matter what!"
"Who are they?"
"It's team business, Coach."
"That makes it *my* business. Who are they?"
Blair stepped forward. "Kevin Jackson and Jeff Graciano, right?"
"Mr. Sandburg?" Jack squinted to see him. "How did you know?"
"I'm right, aren't I? You're going to beat up Kevin and Jeff."
"Yeah. Everyone knows they did it, and we're going to teach them a lesson."
Jim shook his head. "How do you know? None of you were there."
"If we were there, we'd have stopped them!"
"And now all you're going on is rumor. Michael and Billy were beaten up because of rumors."
"Mr. Sandburg, we all know Kevin and Jeff were involved. They came in hurt today."
"Be that as it may, you weren't witnesses and you don't know. That makes you the same."
"Coach, you tell him! You understand."
"Yeah, I understand. Mr. Sandburg is right. Let the people who know what they are doing get these guys. *You* don't want your teammates beaten up. *We* don't want anyone beaten up."
"You would say that, Mr. Ellison. We all know about you and Mr. Sandburg."
"Jack, that's a rumor, too. Just like those rumors about Michael and Billy. And if they weren't teammates, would you be here right now?"
Jack looked confused. "But they *are* teammates! And they have to know not to mess with the team."
Jim motioned to Blair to move away from the boys. "Chief, I'm going to come clean to them. The chances are we aren't going to be back at the school tomorrow anyway."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. All my cop instincts tell me so."
"Go for it."
They moved back into the firelight.
"Guys, I have to tell you something. It's a secret, but I think you should know."
The boys all looked at each other.
"What is it, Coach?"
Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out his badge. "I'm not a coach. I'm not even a teacher. I'm a detective in the Cascade PD. Here's my badge."
"Cooool!" The boys crowded around to see.
"If you're a cop, then..." Jack gestured to Blair.
"Mr. Sandburg is my partner."
The boys breathed a collective sigh of relief.
"See, I told you they weren't fags! They're cop partners." Marcus nearly crowed in triumph.
"You didn't know they were cop partners!"
"No, but I knew they weren't fags. Look at Mr. Ellison. He can't be one."
Blair looked at Jim, who seemed unable to breathe.
"None of this matters. We told you boys the truth because we think you can help us. Will you help us so no one gets beat up anymore - not teammates, not anyone?"
"Okay, Mr. Sandburg. Don't tell anyone."
"Wouldn't dream of it. Do you know where Kevin and Jeff are?"
They nodded and collectively tried to give the information. Finally, they got the facts straightened up and ordered the boys to go home.
"Detective Ellison? Does this mean you won't be our coach any more?"
"I'm afraid not. I'm going to miss you guys."
"Too bad. You were a great coach. A lousy history teacher but a great coach." Jack waved as he and his teammates gathered their implements of destruction and drove off on their bikes.
Blair followed Jim back to the truck. As they drove to the other side of the reservoir, they called in their destination so that Henri and Megan could meet them there.
There was another crowd of boys waiting for them.
These were no freshmen, either. Many were big enough to be seniors, and some looked like they'd been out of high school a while.
Kevin and Jeff were there, standing on the periphery and clearly both dwarfed and cowed by the bigger boys.
"Hey, look. It's the two faggot teachers. I guess those two queer frosh liked it so much they recommended it to their friends."
The speaker was one of the seniors. Blair had seen him pick up his girlfriend after the last period class.
"You're Doug Bradley, right?"
"What's it to you?"
"Just wondering. Now, what exactly did we come here looking for, Doug?"
"Oh, I know you fruits like it rough. You want us to do you like we did those brats."
Jim smiled - *that* smile. "And what did you do to those 'brats', Doug?"
"Taught them that we don't like queers in South Cascade. We don't like queer students and we don't like queer teachers."
Doug clearly hadn't learned that when Jim's voice got that smooth, he wasn't happy.
"And so you plan to beat us up, too?"
Doug looked at Jim. "You're not so tough. A real man can take out any fag. That's what my dad says."
"I guess he knows."
"Yeah."
"Bradley? Joe Bradley? Is that your dad?" Doug nodded. "I went to high school with your dad. He was on the football team. Like me."
Doug looked confused. "Liar. Dad never said...What are you doing?" Jim had clearly heard something in the distance.
He nodded to Blair. Blair heard nothing, but apparently back up was coming.
"How old are you, Doug?"
"Eighteen." Jim smiled again.
"Kevin, Jeff, come over here." They looked at Doug and then limped over.
"How did you guys get so banged up?"
They were silent.
"No one believes it happened rollerblading, guys. That's *so* lame." Blair walked up next to them.
"Mr. Sandburg...hi."
"It's better to tell the truth, you know."
"It was Doug! And the others. They *made* us. They told us that if we didn't, they'd do us!"
"Okay, boys, before you go on, I think I'd better say something." They looked at Jim in confusion.
"Are you absolutely certain about what you saw and did?"
"Yeah. We were *there*."
"Yes. But those guys were tough. We thought fags were wusses, but those guys really got us. So the others...Doug and..."
"That's all I need to hear." Jim walked over to Doug and took a plastic restraint out of his pocket.
Before Doug knew it, his hands were fastened behind his back. "You have the right to remain silent..."
"You *ain't* no cop!"
"If you should give up that right..."
Doug continued to protest until Jim was finished reading him his rights, although Jim did take care to ascertain he understood them. He quietly handed the three boys to Henri and Megan and told Henri to book them. He and Blair were going home. They'd deal with everything in the morning.
"Mr. Ellison? Are you really a cop?"
"Yeah."
"Is Mr. Sandburg your partner?"
Jim's face lit up. "Yeah. He is."
"So you aren't fags?"
"I'm a cop and he's my partner. Nothing else matters."
They drove home silently.
When they got to the loft, Blair tried to get Jim to say something, but he failed.
"I just want to get a night's sleep, Chief. We'll deal with this in the morning."
*****
And, once again, here Blair was, standing helplessly in Jim's bedroom while the man he loved screamed into the night.
"Oh, man, Jim. I wish I could help you."
Something changed. Jim's breathing slowed somewhat and his eyes seemed to focus. "Ch..chief? Is that you?" His voice was hoarse.
"Y...yeah. I'm here." Blair crept forward and cautiously put a hand on Jim's shoulder.
Jim clutched it as if it were a lifeline. "Don't go. Stay here. I...need...stay?"
"Okay." Jim closed his eyes for a moment, and then patted the bed beside him with a shaky hand.
Blair nodded and, slightly shaky himself, sat next to him.
He crossed his legs and leaned against the headboard.
"Are you okay, man?"
"No. Not really." Jim bit his lower lip. "Chief, the...the dream is very clear now. I need to tell you."
"I'm listening."
Jim nodded. He wrapped his hands around his knees and stared into the distance."Yeah. It starts...it starts in my bedroom. My dad is there and he's holding something. It's a magazine. I can't see it clearly or read the name, but it's something I know I'm not supposed to have. He's yelling at me."
"Go on."
Jim sounded like he was still in a dream. "He's saying I'm no son of his. No son of his likes this sort of thing. He's saying he's ashamed of me, that his sons are men. That if I was like that, he'd kick me out of the house.
"He's taking off his belt. It's the hard black one, the one I got him for Christmas. It hurts. It hurts a lot, even through my clothing. Stop, Dad! Stop! I'll be what you want me to be. I'll be a man. Stop!"
Jim buried his head in his hands.
Blair sat there awkwardly, screaming inside. He'd only met William Ellison once, and now...now he never wanted to see him again. He reached up to stroke Jim's shoulders. To his surprise, Jim leaned into his touch.
"It was like I was back there again."
"Jim? This wasn't just a dream?" Blair knew almost for certain that it wasn't.
"No." He swallowed. "I was a scrawny fourteen year old, you know? Like some of the boys on my team, like Michael. It was the seventies, bodybuilding was just getting big again. And I knew Dad would get me free weights. So I bought a couple of bodybuilding magazines, just to see.
"And what I saw...oh, God, I'd forgotten all of this. It's like it was gone. I saw men's bodies. You know how grotesque some of those bodybuilders get, but that...I saw men wearing almost nothing and...I liked it."
"Jim..."
"Then...oh, God. I wanted to see more...I found...other magazines. I was curious, you know? And I liked how I felt when I saw...so I found the other magazines and...I hid them. And Dad found them, and...I was bruised for a week."
"Nobody noticed?"
"No. We...didn't then, you know? And I blocked the whole thing out. I got the other sort of magazine and Dad was proud, even if they didn't do much...you know. And he even kept me supplied with condoms later on. I...didn't use many of them, though. Dad just thought I did."
"Let me guess. You never dated the same girl twice."
"Yeah. Dad thought that meant I was a real Romeo. Oh, God. It's all...it's all falling into place."
Blair was silent.
"There's so much that didn't make...why I close my eyes in the gym...Carolyn...Oh, my God."
"It's okay, Jim."
"No. No, it isn't."Jim began to shake uncontrollably. "I'm not like that. All my life...I've thought of myself one way, and now...I can't be. Chief, how did you..."
"I was a lot younger and my mom was cool about it. It still wasn't easy for either her or me to accept that I was bi. Part of all that therapy was dealing with it. It will be okay. You just had a shock, is all."
"It's not all. Bi. You're bi. I...don't think I am. I think I've been playing a game with myself all these years."
"Jim...maybe you should see someone. Your self image has had some major changes these last few years. You don't want to make any major statements about yourself just yet."
"Who?"
"We'll find you someone...do you want me to go away, go downstairs?"
"NO! Don't go. I need you here. I need you. I...I've hidden it from myself for so long, I can't say it."
"Oh, Jim."
Breathing heavily, Jim turned to face Blair in the dimmness. Maybe it wasn't so dim to Sentinel sight.
"You...you're beautiful." He sounded puzzled. "Why didn't I see that before? I did, I just didn't want to know that. You are beautiful. And I need you. And..." Jim closed his eyes for a moment, and then kissed Blair's lips. Then he began to shake again.
Blair went with his instincts, and folded Jim into his arms. Jim buried his head into Blair's shoulder and slowly the shudders disappeared. Blair just held him gently until he quieted.
"Better?"
"It feels safe here. It feels right here. I feel like I'm home."
"You are. With me. I've already said it. I love you, Jim."
"I...it's too much." He took a deep breath. "I love you, B..Blair." And he smiled. Even by the light of the half moon, Blair could see that smile.
Blair was prepared, quite happily, to spend the rest of the night just holding Jim, no matter how aroused he became. Whatever Jim needed, Jim got.
But Jim surprised him. "It's probably too soon, but I've waited years for this...can I touch you? All of you? Please?"
Blair nodded and kissed Jim's forehead. Then he slipped out of his sweatpants and stretched out naked over the blanket. Jim had seen him naked before - no, he hadn't, Blair realized. Jim never really *looked* at him the few times he'd surprised Blair in the shower.
Jim smiled again. "So beautiful..." He began to touch Blair gently. Blair shivered even in the warm room. First Jim explored his face, softly touching his eyes, his lips, exploring the roughness of his beard. Then he moved down Blair's body, weaving his fingers through the matt of curls, teasing Blair's nipples for a moment, stroking his hairless sides, until he got to Blair's groin. He touched the rapidly thickening penis for a moment, his eyes bright with wonder. Then he went down Blair's legs, stroking their firm muscles until he reached the feet.
"Oh, God, Chief...I think I've dreamed of this my entire life...touching a man, knowing a man. Knowing *you* - all the textures, all the...I need to taste you, to smell you...beautiful Blair."
He began all over again, this time using his mouth and his tongue to explore the same territory, absorbing Blair with all the senses that he could. Blair lay as still and quiet as he could, despite his growing arousal. He could feel tears leaking down his face, both for the sheer joy of this moment as Jim cherished his body and for all the pain and deprivation Jim had suffered all these years.
Then Blair could keep silent no longer. As Jim's tongue found his penis, now thick and hard, he moaned. Jim was awkward and obviously nervous, but he tried and he learned quickly, and Blair had dreamed of this for too long. He exploded in Jim's mouth.
"I'm sorry, Jimlove."
"It's all right. Next time." He sealed this promise with a soft kiss.
"Let me..." Blair reached for Jim's own erection. One touch, and Jim, too, came.
"Next time." It was too soon to expect anything perfect, but Blair wouldn't have traded this first time for anything.
Jim got up to change his boxers, and collapsed back into Blair's arms. 'I have so much to teach you, Jim, but we have time.' They slept wrapped around each other.
-------------------
Morning was strange - both familiar and unfamiliar. They showered together, bumping into the soap dish and arguing over temperature but having fun nevertheless, but there wasn't room for both to shave, so Jim left to make breakfast while Blair groomed himself. And when Jim took his turn, Blair set the table, just as usual. Except that they couldn't keep their hands to themselves, nor could they stop kissing each other, nor did they want to stop.
Then Blair realized something midbite. "Jim...we have to call Dr. Halper. I don't know what he knows or doesn't know, but he may need new subs for today."
"Good call, Chief. He's probably already in. I'll call while you take care of the dishes." Blair nodded. He dropped an absent kiss on Jim's head as he began to clear the table. Jim smiled and stroked Blair's rear end as he walked away. Then he picked up the phone.
"Dr. Halper? This is Jim Ellison. Hello. Did you find out what happened last night? You did? Good. Yeah, I'm a cop. I'm sorry we couldn't...I'm glad you understand. Yeah, I'm glad we got...what? I don't know...I'll ask him. One second. Yeah, he's here with me."
"Chief? Fred Halper wants us to talk to the kids today. Is that okay with you?"
"Sure, Jim! Who's taking our classes?"
"He says sure. When do you want us? We can do 2PM. Sandburg wants to know about our classes....Oh, okay. I'm glad that's covered. Yeah, they're good kids. See you then."
Blair walked into the living room, drying his hands on a towel. "When are we going in, Jimlove?"
"I like that." Finally, Jim turned his dazzling smile on Blair. "2PM? I know you cleared your schedule this week."
"Yeah. That should be fine. And the classes?"
"There already was someone lined up for my classes...he just started a few days late. And they just called in one of their regular subs for your classes. But I will feel better once we come clean to the kids. At least about being cops."
"They're going to ask, you know, about us.."
"I know. And we'll tell them what we would have told them anyway. That it's not relevant, one way or the other. Not that they'd believe it."
Blair nodded ruefully. "What about Simon?"
Jim's eyes widened. "Simon. Damn. I don't know. Look, we'll play it by ear. There are gay cop...*other* gay cops, I mean." Jim fell silent.
"Are you okay, man?"
"I just said it, didn't I? I'm gay. I've always been gay, I just hid it from myself. Chief...I think I do need to talk to someone. You ask around, find somebody good, and I'll go. I need to sort this out."
"We both do, Jim. But we'll do it together."
"Meanwhile, we need to get you moved upstairs."
"You mean it? Are you ready for this?" Blair felt warm all over.
"Blair, I'm not going to spend another night without you if I can possibly help it."
"Yes!"
Jim got a roguish look in his eyes. "Hey, Chief? When do you get the toaster oven?"
"Toaster oven? That's for the ladies. *I* get a cd player - my choice, opera or show tunes."
Jim threw a napkin at him.
***The End***