Letting Go

Debra Fran Baker

dfbaker@panix.com

 
 

"Where is he?" Alex Krycek carefully aimed his gun at the pair hugging each other in Dana Scully's living room. She and Walter Skinner immediately broke apart and drew their own weapons. "You think I give a damn? Look, do you know where Mulder is, or are you two too busy screwing each other to care?"

"How did the hell did you get in here, you murderer?" There was no mistaking the hatred in her voice.

"Your apartment is only marginally harder to break into than Mulder's. Do you know, or even care, where your partner is?" He didn't bother hiding his own disgust.

"Why do you think we don't care, boy?" Skinner's eyes bored right into him.

"Why? Because he's been wasting away for months and you haven't even noticed!" Krycek tossed his gun down. Yeah, it was stupid, but right now he didn't care. "And he's not in his apartment now. He could be dying someplace and you wouldn't know. Too wrapped up in each other." Krycek considered spitting, but rejected it as crude. Instead he flopped into an arm chair.

"How dare you! How dare you pretend to care about him - you, who've drugged him, killed his father, tried to kill me, *did* kill Melissa. How the hell do you dare to be so self-righteous?" Scully tossed down her own weapon, walked over and slapped his face. Then she turned away quickly and walked back to Skinner.

Skinner was calm on the outside, but Krycek could see anger building inside of him. "I don't know what you know or how you know it, but we noticed everything. We've been watching him die a little every day for months." Was that a tear or just a reflection off his glasses?

"And you let it happen? How? How could you let it happen?"

Skinner put away his weapon. "It's what he wants. He made it clear when he wouldn't tell us. You can't force a man to take treatments against his will. Damn, stubborn...And he'd have been out of the FBI as soon as it came out. And he'd be dead now. At least this way..."

"Damn. It's gone. I'd built up all this steam and it's gone. I found out...he was falsifying his blood tests. And I confronted him and...you're right." He buried his head in his hand.

"Krycek...have you been tested?" Scully's voice was gentle. He'd never heard her that way before.

"Have I...?" Krycek's mind reeled with the question. "What are...?"

"You're in love with him. You've been in love with him for years. That was one of the things I hated you for...You've slept with him. Have you been tested?"

Krycek searched for an answer. "I love him. Yes. I've been tested, yes. I'm negative. But...we've never had sex. I've never even kissed him. He...won't let me."

"Like I said, stupid and stubborn." Skinner rubbed at his eyes.

"You love him. You're in love with him. And he doesn't know." Krycek knew his words were facts. Skinner only nodded. "God, we're a bunch of fools." He sighed. "But where is he? D