Blair's head was in a whirl. Tonight was supposed to be fun. He'd take Jim to see that gay comedian, and get to watch him be all macho and embarrassed, or pretend to be cool.

Right, sure.

"Why, Lady Eve...you lost weight!" Jim's hands were at his waist. And "Lady Eve" was a man taller than Jim and with broader shoulders.

"Thank you, girl. I worked it. It's been *too*, *too* long."

"I know. Been hanging with the straightboys downtown. I have the best decorated closet in Cascade."

Blair thought he was sophisticated. He'd traveled everywhere, lived with primitive tribes in every jungle he could, and there were even men in his past. Hell, he'd been having biweekly wet dreams about Jim for a couple of years now. Just not this Jim.

"And who *is* this sweet child, Jimmy?"

This Jim who was holding his hand.

"This is my partner, and he's not available."

"Better watch out, sweet thing. Jimmy's the jealous type."

"Jim...Jim, let's get out of here." Blair put all the urgency he could in his whisper.

Jim *pouted*, but he nodded. "Someone wants to go home, Evie." He gave the big guy a peck on the cheek.

The truck was only a couple of doors down by then, but it seemed everyone wanted to greet the "Queen of Cops," and damned if he didn't act that way. This was not the Jim he knew.

Finally, they were on their way back to the loft. Blair watched him by the light of the streetlamps and the neon signs. Was there a difference? Was he a little more relaxed? A little more expressive? Or was Blair letting his mind run away with him again?

Run away...hmmmm. Jim was giving him all these looks and touches. Jim had always looked and touched, and even commented on how he looked. And there was that apron. And maybe he wouldn't have to have wet dreams any more. Blair was just confused.

Jim pulled into their parking space while Blair was still considering confusion.

"We're home, Chief. Wake up."

Wake up? Had he been asleep? Maybe the entire night was a dream.

Jim squeezed his shoulder and smiled. "We do need to talk, sweetcheeks. Let's go."

It wasn't a dream. Blair didn't know whether he was disappointed or relieved. Either way, Jim was right.

Jim bustled around the kitchen for a few minutes, making a pot of tea and placing everything just so on a tray. The precision was totally Jim.

They sat down at the table. "Okay, Sandburg. I guess I put this off long enough."

"I'll say you have. Jim, what was that tonight?"

He tossed his head. "The real me, sweetcheeks."

"I do *not* believe you were lying to me all this time. What is true, Jim? Or is it Jimmy?"

"Which ever you want." His face had settled into something not quite military standard and not quite queen of the cops.

"Jim...what is going on?"

Jim rubbed his hand over his head. "Okay. First...yes, I am gay. I've been gay almost all my life. But I lived in my father's house, so I built a good, strong closet."

"And Carolyn?"

"She was my wife. We even slept together once in a while. But she knew...and it really was her girlfriend at our wedding."

"What about Simon? What does he know?"

"Damn little. Sandburg, I am *good* at being butch. I made a career out of it. Hell, I made a lifestyle out of it."

"Yeah. Fooled me. What was that about?"

"That was about living the role, not letting it slip for an instant. It's easier to stay in the role than to go back and forth. By the time you came along, I'd been doing it for three years. I even kept it up around Carolyn."

"But you lied to me! All those years...even when you knew I liked guys. We talked about Marc, if it bothered you if I saw him, if I brought him here. You said it didn't..."

"That was a lie. That was the only lie I told you outright. It bothered me. You and that pretty little boy...as soon as I saw him, I detested him."

"You were jealous?"

Blair tried to wrap his head around that concept.

"You have no idea. He was so pretty, and I knew you wouldn't look twice at an old lady like me."

"You...no one...oh, Jim. You are...you are not old, and you are about ten times handsomer than Marc. I kept fantasizing about you when I was with him."

"If I'd known, maybe I would have found a way to come out, but...I screwed this up, didn't I?"

Blair shook his head. "I'm still a little confused, Jim, but I'm not going anywhere. Okay, I should have guessed Mr. Super-Straight was an act. What about Queen Jimmy?"

"Her? She's me, honey. Or, at least, more me than Straight Jim. I adore Simon - that man could have everyone in that club drooling - and I know that Major Crimes is where I belong, where my Sentinel abilities are needed, but I miss Vice."

"Vice?"

"Yeah. I could take care of that part of town. I know who they have now...guys who don't give a damn, who hate working with fags. But then...it was fabulous. I knew everyone. I went to all the dances...and, sister, I could dress. No one could put together an outfit like me. Sometimes, I even did my eyes..."

"Jim! Drag?"

He shook his head. "I was never *that* fabulous. Besides, my shoulders just ruined the lines of my dresses."

Blair laughed. It was the first time he'd laughed since that evening began.

"Jim...I cannot see you in drag."

Jim pouted. "I'll have you know I won the base beauty pageant two years in a row."

"No way, man!"

"Absolutely. I still have the dresses. And the sash. I'll have to take you on a tour of the storage locker."

"This all interesting, Jim, but..."

"I know. I'm overacting a little tonight. But I've let her out again, and, sugar, she ain't going back in. She may calm down after a couple of days, but I'm damn tired of that butch act. I felt so free tonight. I can't tell you!"

Blair sighed and reached across the table, ignoring his now cool tea. He took Jim's hands. Once again, they were strong and warm. He noted with surprise that they were smaller than his own. "What about us, Jim? Where are we going?"

Jim bit his lip and looked down. "Where do you want to go, Chief?"

"With you, whoever you turn out to be. Whatever you need to be. I...love you. I think...I've locked that part of me down for so long I don't know where it is, but I love you."

"I love you, too." They sat there for a long time, holding hands.

A very long time. An increasingly long time.

"Now what, Jim? Do we jump into your bed and boff like bunnies?"

"Oh, no, Chief. We make love tonight."

"Like I said..."

"But first..."

A very long time. An increasingly long time.

"We should kiss, don't you think?"

"Yeah, that would a good thing, seeing as I've been dreaming of those lips, sweetcheeks."

Blair stumbled over his chair as he rushed to his feet.

The next thing he knew, he had Jim's arms wrapped around him. He was warm. And Blair's arms fit around him. And it felt right and nice just like that.

But Jim smiled and picked up his chin and then...and then their lips met the way Blair had dreamed for those years.

Jim's lips were warm and sensuous, and his tongue was gentle as it entered Blair's mouth, and it tasted of Jim and hope and a little fear.

Maybe the kiss lasted for a few minutes, maybe it lasted a lifetime. It seared Blair's soul.

And when they parted, Blair looked up into Jim's eyes and saw him...the Jim he loved and wanted, the Jim behind both masks, the Jim who loved him.

The Jim he knew.

They held hands all the way to Jim's loft, kissing as they went.

They paused at the top of the stairs.

"What's wrong, Chief?"

"Jim...isn't this sort of sudden? I mean, we just declared our love five minutes ago, and now we're jumping into bed?"

Jim pouted. "You don't want to sleep with me, sugar?"

Blair thought about it. It wasn't as though they'd just met...this *was* still Jim, the man he'd dreamed about for years.

"Race you to the bed!"

Yeah, some wildly passionate monkey love was exactly what he needed after the day he'd spent.

He did make it to the bed first, but apparently his prize was to get pounced on by a large and heavy sentinel.

"Oof!"

"Sorry, you just look so cute lying there." He rolled off Blair, who took the chance to fill his lungs with the air Jim had pressed out of him. "Oh, these sheets have *got* to go. What *was* I thinking? What do you think? Satin?"

"Jim...we can redecorate later. These sheets are just fine right now."

"You are so right. And so adorable. And *so* overdressed. Let's get some of those layers off. I've been dying to *do* this for years!"

Blair grinned. "Then let's get to it, Jim." Moments later, by some magic, Jim had them both down to skin. And what beautiful skin Jim had, too. Blair could hardly keep his hands off of it...and then he remembered that that would be counter productive.

*Jim* had no such compunctions."You feel wonderful. And who knew you were so built under those clothes? And that you were hiding *that*?"

Blair looked to where Jim was staring. Staring? Jim was *drooling.* Well, looking at the operative area on Jim...he was pretty droolworthy, too. It was as big and beautiful as the rest of him.

No point in wasting that drool, was there? Blair did his own pouncing, and happily swallowed Jim whole.

Jim emitted a high pitched and decidedly unJimlike, or at least un-*old*-Jimlike, yelp and grabbed Blair's head.

Oh, yeah. This was indeed the stuff of wet dreams. His mouth was thoroughly and delightfully filled. He had just room to move his tongue...so he did. Slowly, tickling it in and out and around, as he sucked first gently, then hard, then gently again, using his hands to stimulate the rest of Jim's penis.

Jim moaned, oh, so sweetly. Blair would have smiled if he could have, but instead, he concentrated on the task at hand, and what a lovely task it was, too. He let his other hand play with the rest of Jim's dangly bits just to feel him jump and then relax. Oh, yeah, boys had so many nice toys.

Jim was obviously happy to keep lying there on the bed while Blair worked his will on him, which made life a little easier. He hated it when guys grabbed his ears.

So, work his will he did. Jim began to buck under him. "Faster, Chief. Faster! Oh, yes...oooh, baby! Oh..oh...baby...oh...I'm going to...I'm going to...Oh!"

And he did. He most certainly did. Blair could hardly keep up with it as semen filled his mouth over and over again, but he certainly wasn't going to waste a drop. Not this first time.

"You *do* have hidden talents, don't you, sweetie?" Jim was a boneless heap on the bed.

"Jim, you *know* how oral I am."

"I never would have guessed, chatterbox." He glanced at Blair again. "And that monster of yours needs some relief, too." He...oh, god...he wiggled his rear end. Well, it did make sense. If Blair was oral, Jim was definitely anal - all the Jims were anal.

"Umm, Jim, I'd love to. You don't know how much I'd love to. But..."

"Nighttable. I had a merit badge in being prepared."

And there they were, too...a couple of boxes of condoms and several tubes of lube, very neatly packed away in his nighttable drawer.

"I should have known."

"Now get that gorgeous tool of yours where it belonged. Sweetie, if I'd known you were this big, I'd have pounced you a long time ago."

As Blair warmed some lube in his hands, he grinned. "Should have known you were a size queen."

"You know it."

Actually, as he found out when he went to prepare Jim, who was quite obligingly, not to mention enticingly, spread out in front of him, the man was rather tight.

"You sure about this?"

"If you...oh...stop...I will...absolutely...yeah, like that...kill you..."

"Can't have that. Oh, you're liking this, I can tell...I could stick with fingers..."

That got him a glare.

"Okay, okay. Oh..." He positioned himself at Jim's anus, and started to push. Oh, God, how long had it been for him? He was so tight...so...hot...so...oh, yes. And he was in. He could feel Jim's heat even through the condom.

"Oh, yeah...just like that...oh, Blair..."

"Oh, yes. Oh, this is so...oh..." Jim wrapped his legs around Blair's waist and moved with him. He was hard again, so Blair, using his one remaining brain cell, began to stroke him as they both moved together as one. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought he could hear a wolf howl.

As did he when release finally came for both of them.

"We wasted so much time. I *can't* believe we wasted all that time."

"Well, as the man said, you're an idiot, darling. And so am I." Blair slowly pulled out and then removed the condom. There were even baby wipes in the drawer, so he could clean things up.

Jim reached out to pet him. "You are ice-cold! Let's get you under the covers."

Once again, Jim worked that magic, because in minutes they were both under the quilt and Blair was safely snuggled in Jim's arms.

"Oh, this feels good. Warm." He reached his head up to kiss Jim on the cheek. "Love you, Jim."

"Love you, too...Blair." Jim never used his first name...Blair suddenly felt very warm indeed inside.

"Blair?"

"Yeah, Jim?" Blair was nearly drifting off to sleep.

"We have a big decision to make tomorrow." Oh, God, yes. They were going to the station in the morning.

"Yeah..."

"Which earring am I going to wear, and with what outfit?"

Blair hugged him harder and chuckled himself to sleep.
 

Copyright 1999 Debra Fran Baker and NightRoads Associates

Back to Sweetcheeks page.
Back to Sentinel page.
Back to Fanfiction page.
Back to Main page.